he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
My feet surprised me
Randomize
