anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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