You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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