He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
