i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
