Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
We need to rekindle our bromance
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
