We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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