what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
