wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
