i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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