I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
How naked do you want me to be?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
