so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
