i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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