I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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