I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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