Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
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