i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
