no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
