I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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