my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Sorry my hands just texted you
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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