I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
