Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
we're making bets on your personal life
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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