After last night, I could never be a politician.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
