feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
