I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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