Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I'm both gender and math confused
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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