Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
