saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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