She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Randomize
