I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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