Don't make out with my wife yet
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
