Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
