Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
