I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
