I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
