i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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