I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
