how can u be prego again
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
