I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I need a beard to bite.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
