remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
