question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
pop tarts are not kleenex
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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