you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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