I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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