How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
