I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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