If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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