We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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