If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
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