she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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