so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
