do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
